I love this spam I got this morning. I want to have to wear protective clothing in my daily life just so I have a good reason to rock this special seam sealing tape.

I love this spam I got this morning. I want to have to wear protective clothing in my daily life just so I have a good reason to rock this special seam sealing tape.

I only read articles with graphs in them if they’re either SPIKING or PLUNGING.

archercomedy:

Ultimate Life Hacks Compilation - Imgur

archercomedy:

Ultimate Life Hacks Compilation - Imgur

It’s racist if you ask Norwegians about their elves.

I’m a chronic masticater.

My son has a giant riding truck that I didn’t move out of the way despite stepping over it all night. My wife asked why and I said I didn’t see it. I blamed it in a maneurism.

I can’t wait for the next stage of the World Cup where East Germany plays West Germany.

Jargon watch - Faux normcore: Someone who wears white Reebok with beige elastic waistband slacks, an ACDC concert t-shirt and a FitBit. AKA ‘foamcore.’

I put a red dishcloth over my coffee grinder to muffle it so it doesn’t wake up my kid. It looks like a sheikh. I call it Lawrence of Arabica.

How McDonald’s terrifyingly toothy new mascot represents the death of metaphor.