"Bass Wars" is apparently my neighbor's favorite video game
My neighbors love to play a game called “Bass Wars.” Basically, you are made of bass and you shoot bass at bass enemies to protect your base, which is made of bass. From what I hear, it’s a great way to pass the time at 2 in the morning.
Dear Mr Sartorialist: As a man, should I tuck my pants into my boots?
Great question! Do you work in construction? Are you a cranberry bog farmer? For either sport or profession, are you a horseback rider, especially in the areas of jumping or dressage? Do you live in area with high populations of fire ants? Are you an SS officer? Are you part of an advance scouting party that checks stagnant pools for leaches?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, feel free to tuck your pants into your boots.
If you answered no, keep your pants outside your boots for chrissakes.
You think it’s about Seinfeld, but it’s really a satire of modern hypermedia folly.
"The Apple Store, by "@Seinfeld2000." @Seinfeld2000 is the online persona of an anonymous Seinfeld fanatic, created originally to spoof the hugely popular @SeinfeldToday Twitter account. Like @SeinfeldToday, @Seinfeld2000 imagines a world in which Seinfeld is still on the air today, placing the ’90s’ favorite sitcom characters in contemporary situations. Unlike @SeinfeldToday, @Seinfeld2000 is very funny. The Apple Store is a deranged Seinfeld fanfic masterpiece."
I’m going to make a smartphone that has a sensor that can detects the aroma of food and conversation levels so if you pull it out in the middle of dinner, it explodes in your face. Just shards of glass kamboom, right in the face. I don’t think anyone will buy it for themselves, but it will make a great gift.
"So, who’s got the poison ivy?" asked the checkout clerk as he scanned my poison ivy cream. Wow, I love friendly service but what if I was buying Preparation H? Or Plan B? “So, who forgot to put the condom on?"
" ‘praise’ is not very funny" - linguist David Moser after studying the effect of the Chinese Communist Party after they ‘corrected’ a classic theater form in their country called ‘cross-talk,’ replacing the bits in the two-man bawdy slapstick vaudeville political satire with ones that found the lighter side of praising Communism. Without critique, there is no comedy.