My mom and stepdad lived in North Carolina and had a really big yard they were always filling with stuff. Flowers, a garden, at one point my mom wanted to make a tiny maze in it. Then they wanted some animals so they checked out the town rules. You can get 4 chickens, for the eggs, one sheep, they wanted that for the dog to chase, and thousands of bees. But you have to go around to your neighbors and tell them hey, is it cool if I raise a cloud of tiny flying insects with a needle on their ass ovet the fence from you?
I like to imagine though it’s the bees who have to notify everyone. Knock knock bzz bzz hi, I’m a bee and I’m required by federal law to inform you that I’m moving into your neighborhood. I’m a registered pollen offender. So just FYI if there’s any flowers in your card, I’m probably going to hump them. But unlike a registered sex offender, if a bee molests the little flowers you’re raising, they’ll grow up to be beautiful blossoms, instead of horribly stunted.
You know how people say, “If I told you, I’d have to kill you?” Well there’s also, “if I told you, I’d have to kill me — because you’re so stupid and I would get so bored by the time I explained this basic idea that would have to commit suicide.
I ironed 5 shirts on Sunday and then I had to take a sick day Monday. So I’m ahead 1 shirt for the workweek. All I have to do is repeat that for 15 weeks and all the shirts in my closet will be ironed.